One of the things we find in our emerging field is that in order to guide a group, we need to know where they're at. How are these folks related? How do we want them to relate? I've come to feel that it is a facilitator's job, wherever possible, to encourage the formation of community. But what is a community? What distinguishes it from a clique, a cult, a class, a group of acquaintances?

According to M. Scott Peck's book, A Different Drum, "The key to community is the acceptance – in fact, the celebration – of our individual and cultural differences. Such acceptance and celebration – which resolves the problem of pluralism and which can occur only after we learn how to become empty – is also the key to world peace." Here are some signs that the group you're working with is moving toward community, and some ways you can encourage the process:
There's a growing and palpable unease with small talk when it persists after the first few minutes of gathering. Individuals begin to admit bits of risky truth and share moments of vulnerability. Acknowledge and incorporate these responses into the conversation and your questions.
Cliches and buzzwords disappear. Language becomes simpler. Craft your questions to model this simplicity.
You notice people correcting themselves or one another when they begin to try to fix or change one another. Empathy begins to displace advice--a practice you'll already honor as a good facilitator.
Conflicts brew. People are no longer interested in burying differences for the purpose of efficiency or false peace. They value the group enough to surface and work through tensions. This can feel very uncomfortable, particularly because most people don't have much experience handling conflicts in healthy ways. Be ready to guide the group through these conflicts.
The group turns on you. A facilitator must always be ready for this; classic scapegoating behavior occurs when a group realizes it's at a pivotal point, where change will become necessary. Blaming you is an attempt to avoid change. You needn't take abuse; however, be ready to model vulnerability when this happens. The group will often follow suit if you are genuine.
Just when the real discussion begins, participants press for an easy solution. This is an indication that the group is just on the edge of something ground-breaking. The discomfort triggers the fight-or-flight response, causing some folks to invent an easy way out, but you must be ready to coax the group into deeper work.
You notice stretches of quiet reflection--particularly after expressions of pain, fear, or sadness. Sometimes these stretches can become quite lengthy, as people lose their need to fill air with empty words. Embrace the silence...Give the group tacit or overt permission, if necessary.
People begin to speak more in the first person: "I've noticed," "I feel," "My thoughts are..." as they lose the need to control the group.
You disappear. The group begins to show signs of self-governance. They talk with one another, and less toward you. Be ready to mirror this with your body language. Move from the front of the room. Fade behind the circle or tables. Use your tone of voice in a way that honors their independence. I often speak more quietly and become less directive when groups get to this point.
People become more integrated, bringing more of themselves to solutions and next steps. They pull ideas from their families, hobbies, faiths, and interests--not merely their professional contexts. For more on the stages of community building, see the Foundation for Community Engagement's excellent primer.

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